dialtone

yesterday you called me i havent heard your voice in months i avoid hearing mine on recordings because it sounds just like yours i thought i had erased the sound of your whispers in my ears and yet it was all so familiar_ too familiar while we may share the same octaves in our vocal expression i never spoke to you in tones of hate you called me screaming at me for standing up to you any opportunity you have to get that instant gratification of lashing me with your tongue you do not hesitate when i saw the strange number on the phone time stood still and i debated answering then i did and shockingly i dont regret it completely except i do you are my contradiction i love you and hate you simultaneously you have the ability to shoot me straight to the moon and then six feet under you told me you miss me the picture i painted of you in my mind is just a blur and i have known for years you would never be her but i held onto you anyway like a child holds its teddie your abuse was my comfort the only love i have ever known and yet it wasnt love at all you said you miss the comfort of me and i must say that those six years were the most uncomfortable for me forcing me to grow away from you i woke up one day with a revelation your love language was foreign to me unable to understand what you were trying to convey through your words of hate all i spoke to you were words of love you were my contradiction constantly questioning whether to stay or go and on most days i didnt know which direction to take warm embraces and cold stares so quickly you would go between the two walking blindly through my days with you never knowing what was waiting for me around the corner and yet i would continue to take the risk i couldnt see my life without you until i left you and still struggle with that some days most days i am okay just waiting for love to be redefined ©SOULBIRD