Place Holder

i often wonder why you are absent my poetry. not once did i start a poem and it pour from my soul just as it has for all the others. is the passion just not there? does my heart speak an unspoken language for you? are you not worthy of my lyrical libations? all i know is you are as beautiful as the sunrise. my spirit soars in your presence. or it did rather. how qucikly that feeling fades in the face of your lies. stupid little lies that pile up like garbage in a landfill. how have i allowed you to allude me so. and still i sit here still thirsty for your company. still wanting to kiss your every freckle each night before bed. i crave you more than cupcakes dancing on my tongue and at first i did not understand this. you speak to a part of me that died years ago. i want to unleash on you but know that once that door is open it will not close. forever open will be my soul and yet never open to you because you have proven yourself unworthy of my freak. so i will just fuck you like an animal and leave your body trembling for more as i move on.... to the next one. yes, you already feel what you have lost because the glimmer in my eye has faded. the suppleness of my kiss is absent. the pep in my step is a simple stride. the grin behind my giggle is me laughing at your efforts to gain my attention. truth is you only had it for a mere second before i knew this would never be anything more than what it is and you will never see me stripped down naked before you. yes you have seen my naked skin, smooth, chocolate hues, curving in all of the right places and erect with just a glimpse. but this body is not yours. you only have the parts of me that have already been taken. you said you didnt tell me because it didnt mean anything to you and i must tell you now that the parts of me i share with you i share so easily is because these parts do not matter to me. i share the things that do not matter because they are beyond repair. for now that is but someday i will be whole again. and i am sad to say that you will not know that me. you are just a stepping stone. a detour of sorts. keeping me busy until i find a woman deserving of my heart. yes i tell you i love you and that is because i do. i love you in the way you love me. fucked up. you say you are a sane crazy person and i just dont know how that is possible.